Let Me Count the Ways

I am in love. Last night I was feeling panicky about the daunting task of raising a child. Today I am soothed by the love that he teaches me.

I love the way he says "Mommy" when I go into his room to pick him up from his crib after he wakes up.

I love the way he give me big sloppy toothy open mouth kisses.

I love the way he asks for me to kiss him by pressing his head against my face.

I love the way he mimics my when I say, "I love you." He answers, "illluu."

I love the way he plays peek-a-boo with me, covering his eyes with his arm so he's hidden, and then revealing himself by peeking over his bent little arm.

I love the way he shares his food with me in slobbery bits fresh from his sweet little mouth.

I love the way he leans on me when he's tired.

I love the way he gets me to cuddle when I should be putting him in his bed by laughing at me and making little jokes that only he understands.

I love seeing the things he does that I think he gets from me, like playing in the water.

I love the way he eats corn with such gusto.

I love the way he makes it easier to get up in the morning.

I love the way he introduces me to life.

HBK

I've Been Dissed!

Today, Luken has been quite fussy. He either has a virus or is teething. He's had a low grade fever and some snot. Anyway, he's been clingy but whenever I've offered him the boob, he's turned away. What!?!? I've been thinking lots about weaning. I don't know what I thought weaning might look like. Is this what weaning looks like? Or is Luken just out of sorts? Usually, when he's out of sorts, all he wants is the boob. But today, nope. Hmmmm. . .

When I think that he might be weaning from the boob, I feel crushed. It's hard not to just break into tears and bawl my eyes out. Gees, is every new phase going to hurt like this?

HBK

Sky

The sunset tonight was exquisite! I wish I'd had my camera with me. The sky was dark pink/red behind the mountains and the smoke column coming up from the Kootenai Creek fire was pink in front of the sky. It took my breath away. I just had to share.

HBK

Be Possible!

That's the name of my business. I own a franchise to an online mall. The reason I went into business is to be able to continue to stay home with Luken. In order to succeed, I need to build my customer base. I really would appreciate your support.

Here is a small sampling of what I sell.

• Artistry skin care
• SA8 Laundry products (really good at getting baby made stains out)
• Nutralite vitamins and supplements
• super yummy energy bars
• XS energy drinks
• all natural chocolate sandwich cookies
• toilet paper
• household cleaners
• Perfect Water (super filtered bottled water)
• Air and Water filters
• coffee
• organic cold cereal

In addition to this sampling of products, I also have over 600 Partner Stores.

Let me save you time, energy, and money. Shop online and have your purchases delivered right to your door.

I really want my business venture to succeed. Please let me know if you have questions.

Thanks for looking.

HBK

Smoke

I've been trying to think of something to write about today but try as I might, I've got nothing!

I've had fun watching the Kootenai Creek fire. It's been calm for weeks and yesterday, it did this.

That's an ice cap at the top of the smoke column. The smoke rises on the heat and the moisture freezes when it gets up to cold air.

The smoke started to drift and it covered the sun. It was so pretty!

I thought I got a pretty good picture of it so I emailed it to the local news station. Evidently they aired it on the 6pm news! Cool, eh?

HBK

Blah

I am down. My very good friend is moving away - moving far, far away - to Japan. I've known her for less than a year but we've become quite close. We both have babies the same age. We're both kinda crazy. We enjoy many of the same things. I don't want her to go. She's my "mommy friend". I know, my sister lives close but that's not the same. I don't make friends very easily and I'm sad that this one is leaving. She says that she'll be back but I don't know. I think she and her husband will find something somewhere else that pulls on them harder than anything here will.

Besides that, I'm experiencing the end of the weekend let down. Blah. And I have a headache. So I'm just kind of down. Feeling needy. Tomorrow will be better.

On the Luken front, he's learning so fast! He can find his nose when asked (and my nose too). When I say, "Who says QUACK?", he will answer, "Duck!" He's been standing on his own more and more. He can do it if he's not paying attention. He can also take a few steps unassisted! I'm so proud of him!

HBK

Yay!

After over a week of suffering from a migraine, it's gone! I got a new Rx yesterday and took that along with my old Rx as per my pharm guy's instructions. I went to sleep and when I woke up at 1:30 this morning, I had no headache! Thank you, Paul!

HBK

It's all about the Boob.

Ok, so I've been breast feeding my son for nearly 13 months. It was a struggle at the beginning because I was quite ill and my milk didn't come in for over a week. Then I had several bouts of mastitis and developed chronic thrush on my nipples. We nursed through all that and I grew to cherish the relationship that Luken and I have around nursing. We survived learning not to bite mommy (ouch!). I'm proud of the fact that I've been able to nurse my son for so long. I'm also proud to have been able to provide milk to 3 other infants as well. It feels like a huge gift to me all the way around. We're all winners.

Now though, I'm considering weaning. Here are my reasons.

I have moments of feeling resentful about having to share my body in such a way. I want my body back.

I am also dealing with some medical issues that have been put on hold so I can breast feed. I suffer from migraines. I would really like to be able to take triptans to prevent the headaches. Currently, I can do nothing to prevent the migraines and so I'm left with few options as to how to treat them. I can take Lortab once the headache becomes painful enough to get in the way of my functioning. I don't like taking Lortab. It's a narcotic and makes me feel dopey. I can't drive after I've taken it and so I'm stuck at home. And, often I need to take more than one dose to get relief.

I am beyond tired of the hormone storm that I continue to experience. I've been told that the storm will subside once I'm no longer lactating. I feel moody and I sweat until it's dripping off me. I have NO sex drive. I smell funny.

I seem to be unable to lose my "baby weight". People say that perhaps it will be easier for me to lose the weight after I've stopped breast feeding.

I want to be able to put things into my body that might not be the best for baby (like maybe have a drink or to eat strawberries or other things that make Luken sick when I eat them). It feels like a huge responsibility to have another person relying on what I eat for their nutrition. I know that now he's old enough to get good nutrition from the food he eats.

Even given all of these reason, I'm reluctant to wean him. I really treasure the time I spend nursing him. I wanted for so many years to be a mommy and now I don't want to lose anything that being a mommy has given me. Make sense? Part of me wants to hold on to Luken's baby-ness for as long as I can. I feel sad when I think about weaning him. But I also feel excited. I don't know what to do.

I've talked to lactation consultants and other mothers about this. Most of them say that weaning will happen naturally if I continue to breast feed. They say that Luken will begin to lose interest in the breast. Ha! I don't see that happening any time soon. Right now, he LOVES the boob! And it's so handy. I can comfort him when he's upset. I can distract him. I can quiet him. I can sooth him.

I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm ready to wean but when I think about it, I feel like I'm not ready. And I don't want it to be up to me. I want it to be up to Luken. Ugh. Now I'm just talking in circles.

HBK

A Day In the Life . . .

. . . of Luken

When I wake up today, Mom comes in to get me up! I like this. Mom is usually at work when I wake up.

It takes both of my parents to change my diaper. I was so excited that I wiggled and wiggled. When they were finished, I checked out my side of the yard.

After a diaper change, Mom says goodbye and I get a boob!

Then I roll around on Mommy's lap and play while she checks her email.

And I get breakfast! Half a peach and some bread with peanut butter and milk. I make a mess of my breakfast to show how much I like it.

Because Mommy says that the peach and peanut butter in my hair are too sticky to wipe out, I get a bath! Yay!

After I'm all nice and clean, Mommy takes me out of the bath. I don't like this. She puts a nice dry diaper on me and gets me dressed. Honestly, I don't see what all the fuss about wearing clothes and diapers is. I'd much rather just not wear anything.

Jumping time! I like this a lot. While I jump, Mommy does whatever it is that mommies do (eats her own breakfast, talks on the phone, takes care of the dishes, puts diapers in to wash . . .)

When I'm tired of jumping, Mommy and I try to clean my room. Mostly this means that Mommy chases me when I crawl away from her. I don't know why she tries to put my toys and clothes away. I'm just going to pull them all out again and throw them all about.

The whole room cleaning thing doesn't last very long. I'm tired and it's time for me to have a nap. Mommy thinks that my mouth hurts because of the new tooth I got yesterday and the 3 more that will pop through any day now. She gives me some tylenol and it helps me feel better. Soon I'm fast asleep.

When I wake up, Mommy discovers that I've had a total diaper failure. Hey, when you gotta go, you gotta go! Mommy cleans me all up nice and puts a nice clean diaper on me.

After the boob, I get to play in the living room with my toys. Mommy is taking care of Auntie's dogs. I discover that it's lots of fun to chase the puggie. He doesn't seem to mind. I also practice going up and down and up and down the slide.

Then it's time for a cuddle and a boob again. Boy, do I like boobs!

All of this floor time activity makes Mommy realize that the floor is covered in dog hair. So she puts me in a sling and I help her vacuum. I think the vacuum is kinda loud and I don't really like it. I'm glad that she holds me close.

When we're finished vacuuming, I help Mommy clean the kitchen. I'm very patient and we talk about the water, the sink, the dishes, the dogs, and lots of other things.

When the kitchen is clean, Mommy feeds me lunch. I like the tomatoes the best. Kidney beans are for the dogs though.

While I was playing, er, eating my lunch, Mommy swept the floor. Whilst she swept, she sang a sweeping song to the tune of Beethoven's 5th symphony. I thought she was silly. I think she's kinda crazy. She feels compelled to show you the pile of dirt that she got after just one day.

After lunch I am fussy and Mommy says that I'm tired. I don't feel tired. She puts me down for a nap anyway. Oh, well.

I rest for awhile and then I sing songs to myself while Mommy does whatever it is that mommies do. When she comes in to get me, I discover that my best friend is here! We play outside in the water. It's so much fun!

Then Mommy has to go to an appointment. She leaves me here with my friend's mommy. After a few minutes, Mom comes home! We hang out and play and the grown ups talk about us. Mommy comes home just as it's time for my friend to go home. I start fussing because I'm hot and hungry. Mom cools me by sprinkling cool water on me. That helps me feel better and I help Mommy fold diapers.

When all the diapers have been folded, it's time to get dinner.

After dinner, I take a bath with Mom. I like to splash and splash!

When I'm finished with my bath, Mom gets me dressed for bed and reads to me. I like sitting on her lap and listening to the stories. We point to the pictures and she teaches me the words for things.

My day is nearly over. All I need is a boob from Mommy, (she's laughing at me here because I keep trying to put my leg over her shoulder.)

A bit of a bottle to top me off,

And a nice soft bed.

Good night all.

Lookie What I Made!

I wanted another carrier. I know, I have a great sling that I made. I have a Sleepy Wrap that I love. I have a Kelty pack. Why on earth would I need another one? Because I WANT one. Reason enough.

Someone on Pregnancy.org made a Mei Tai and I thought it was cute. She posted the link to the pattern she used and on that page, there were more links. I sort of followed the pattern and instruction for Beth's Mei Tai . It was kinda hard. I don't follow instructions well but I really like the way mine turned out. Luken seems to like it too. We went for a walk with him in it and I picked beans with him in it. He was happy the whole time. I'm pretty proud of myself!

Car Seat Clinic

I did my first Child Safety Seat Clinic Today. There is a shop in town that specialized in breast feeding. The owner of that shop hosted the clinic. She wants to do a car seat safety clinic at least once a month! I'm excited to be partnering with her to provide this service to parents and caregivers. I like being a Certified Child Passenger Safety Technician!

Luken was a champ during the clinic. I set up a pack and play for him in the shade near where I was working. He played in there with his toys and talked to all the babies that came by. He had a great time and wore himself out.

It's been a good day and I'm very tired. I'm going to bed early tonight.

hbk

This Is What I Have To Deal With

My wife. Every time I try to take a picture of her . . .

I really do love her. She's such a ham.

Night Diapers?

We're beginning to have diaper issues. I use cloth for Luken during the day and paper at night. I never found a cloth combo that kept him dry enough to not be cold. Now, he's wetting through the disposable diapers too. Last night, I changed him TWICE at night and he was wet through (clothes, bedding) both times. We use a good quality disposable diaper already. I'm not sure that buying special nighttime diapers would solve the problem. Anybody have any suggestions?

Some recent pictures

To the rescue! Luken has two toy fire trucks that make noise and he LOVES them!


Playing with his new tunnel (thank you Grandma)!





I cooked again today! I made the yummy chick pea dumpling recipe that Larkin gave me.

Larkin Kavanaugh said...

chic peas cooked in veggie chix seasoning and herbed dumpling. serve with broc on side. yummy yummy and has all the components a meal needs as long as you broc portion is not too small. i like mine with chix but you can leave that out.

open as many cans of chic peas as you want. rinse and dump into pot. add H2O to cover garbanzos. season to taste with chix seasoning and pepper. i like msg free mckays or beter than broth. both are good. bring to simmer. drop in dumpling and cook covered for 15 min.

dumpling recipe
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon dried thyme
1 teaspoon dried parsley
1 teaspoon dried oregano
3 tablespoons butter
3/4 cup milk

In a bowl, mix the flour, salt, baking soda, baking powder, thyme, parsley, and oregano. Cut in butter until the mixture resembles coarse crumbs. Gradually add milk, using just enough to form a thick batter.
Drop by rounded tablespoons into your simmering soup or stew, cover, and allow to cook 15 minutes.

careful to not over mix dumplings. also good with cheddar or other melting cheese added. i bet you can get pretty good biscuit dough at the good food store and just drop it in if you don't want to bother with making them yourself.

this is comfort food. soooooo yummy

It was really good. Thanks, Larkin.

I enjoy the comments that you all leave. Since I'm not a very good detective, please tell me who you are (if you're someone that I know). Thank you.

Have a great weekend!

Enchiladas tonight!

Thank you for the great inspiration and recipes everybody!

Black Bean and Goat Cheese Enchiladas

Red Sauce

2 T evoo
1 lg diced onion
2 minced garlic cloves
1/2 t gr cumin
1 t dried oregano
28 oz canned enchilada sauce
1/4 c tomato paste
finely grnd blk pepper to taste

In a large nonstick skillet, heat oil over m/h heat. When oil is hot, add onion, garlic, cumin and oregano and saute' until softened, about 5 minutes. Add canned enchilada sauce, tomato paste and black pepper. Bring to a boil, reduce heat to low and simmer 15 min, stirring occasionally.

Enchilada filling

1 1/2 c cooked drained black beans
1 mango, diced
1/2 c diced scallions (i forgot to put these in)
2 T minced fresh cilantro (also left this out 'cause I don't like cilantro)
1/2 c fresh or frozen corn kernels
1 c crumbled che'vre
1 1/2 c whole cottage cheese
1 T fresh lime juice
2 t chili powder
freshly grnd black pepper to taste
12 corn tortillas
2 T minced scallions for garnish
1T minced fresh cilantro for garnish (I'll leave this out)

In a largew bowl, using fork, blend cooked beans, mango, scallions, cilantro, corn, che'vre, cottage cheese, lime juice, chili powder and black pepper. Taste and adjust seasonings.

Preheat oven to 350 F. Pour 1 cup enchilada sauce into a 9x13 pan. Dip tortillas, one at a time, in simmering enchilada sauce in skillet, about 5 seconds to soften, thoroughly coating both sides. Using tongs (I used my fingers), transfer each tortilla to a plate. Spoon about 1/4 cup filling on each tortilla, just off center. Roll tortilla around filling and place seam-side down into baking pan. Repeat with remaining tortillas.

Spread remaining sauce over filled tortillas. Bake, uncovered, 25 minutes until h ot and bubbly. Sprinkle with minced scallions and cilantro.

From The Schwarzbein Principle Vegegarian Cookbook by Diana Schwarzbein, Nancy Deville, and Evelyn Jacob.

As a side, I'll make Saute'ed Mixed Squash with Cumin and Chili Powder

4 small crookneck yellow squash, cut into 1/4 inch rounds
4 small zucchini, cut into 1/4 inch rounds
2 T evoo
2 minced garlic cloves
1 t chili powder
1 t ground cumin
1 t dried oregano
freshly grnd black pepper to taste
2 T fresh lime juice

In a medium saucepan, boil 1 c water. Add squash and zucchini and cooked until barely tener, stirring occasionally, 3 to 5 minutes. Using a slotted spoon, remmove squah from pan and drain well. Set aside.

In a large nonstick skillet, heat oil over m/h heat. When oil is hot, add garlic, chili powder, cumin, oregano and black pepper. Saute until spices are well coated with oil.

Add reserved squash and lime juice and toss gently until well-coated with spices and heated through. Taste and adjust seasonings.

Also from Schwarzbein cookbook.

I can hardly wait til dinner time!

The Fair

We went to the fair yesterday. Luken and I looked at everything and climbed on hay bales and ate corn and crawled on the grarss in the shade. When Kara got there, we had lemon dairies (yum!), enjoyed the petting zoo, looked at the pigs and the bunnies and the chickens and the ducks. Kara reads Luken a book about ducks and he recognized them, reached toward them, and said "duck"!

Luken and I rode on a bumble bee ride and he loved it!



Petting the bunny


and the sleepy calf


At the end of the day, we were all exhausted. Luken was almost too tired to eat dinner. We ended a really fun day with a bath, a boob, and bed.

Having Luken brings so much joy to my life!

Nutrition Confusion

Nutrition is so hard for me. Having been quite anorexic in the past, I seem to have lost my internal guide to what my body needs to be healthy. I find that I have no idea what constitutes a good meal - cookies with peanut butter and coffee for breakfast - pears and cheese and soda for lunch - bars and green beans for snacks - doritos and beer for dinner? I know that people prepare meals and then sit down and enjoy them. Some people even enjoy cooking. I do not. When I cook, I do it out of necessity and it ends up tasting that way. I want to teach my child healthy eating habits but honestly, I have no idea what healthy eating looks like.

I'm a big girl. I am trying to lose weight. So why do I eat cookies for breakfast? Because I HAVE to have them! And because I forgot to buy milk and bread for cereal or toast. Yesterday my sister said that she wondered if I am not eating enough to lose weight. What? That makes no sense whatsoever to me. Hmmmm. . .

My mother was here a coupla weeks ago. While she was here, she cooked. She cooked real meals! They were delicious! I ate them and loved them! I remember thinking at the time that I was eating way too much. There was an entree, lots of veggies, and I don't know what else. I want to be able to replicate meals like that but I can't seem to make my mind wrap around it. I feel as a loss.

So, I'll ask for your help. I'm a vegetarian. I do eat dairy and eggs although I don't like eggs all that much. When you post a comment, if you have the time and energy, share a complete meal idea with me. Thank you!

Corn!

Corn on the cob is one of my favorite things about summer. I could eat corn on the cob for every meal. I like it cooked plain, with butter, salt, both, with peanut butter, on the grill, in the microwave, off the stove, just give me corn! Kara could take it or leave it so lucky me!

I've discovered though, that Luken also likes corn. Like me, he can't get enough. He ate every kernel off an entire ear. That's my boy!

My Stash

I use cloth diapers for my baby. I like the way they feel - so nice and soft. I like the way they look - so many different colors. I like thinking that maybe I'm doing a tiny bit to help the environment.

I made a bunch of cloth diapers.
These are AIO's (all in one's). I made several with a fire theme.



And some more that I just thought were cute.

And a bunch of pocket diapers that are up there among my favorites.

I think I'm addicted. I like to stack the clean and folded diapers up and look at all the pretty colors.

My Whamies OS


My Fuzzi Bunz M, L, and OS


A coupla Smartipants OS, one strange brand pocket, and one Green and Comfy AIO.


2 Happy Hiney's L velcro


A mama made (thanks, Gwen), a ZtoA, and a BG3.0

The back of the red one. How cute!


Confession: The dipes pictured are just one ones that are clean. I wonder, are there any 12 step groups for cloth diaper addicts?

So there you have it, my stash.