Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

It's been a long hard day.  Well, weekend.  I've been struggling really hard with a migraine and that exhausts me.  A family member is having a pretty serious medical crisis and that's pretty stressful.  My wife is upset by said family member's medical stuff and that's stressful.  It's time to make applesauce and put up food for the winter.  There's too much to be done and not near enough time or energy for this mama to do it.

So I decided to go to bed early.  Luken was in bed.  Settled.  Calm.  I crawled into my bed and curled up.  I closed my eyes and savored the cool breeze coming in my open window.  Then I heard the small footfalls of Luken sweet boy coming from his bed, across his room, across the hall, into my room.  They stopped at the edge of my bed.  Very quietly, he said, "Mommy, why did the chicken cross the road?"

Not rolling over, I asked him, "Why, honey?"

"The chicken crossed the road so he could sleep with his mommy."  And he crawled into bed next to me.  All soft and warm.

I seriously have the sweetest little boy.  How lucky I am.

bhk

A Gift

I had such a sweet experience this morning. Luken and I went to the Carousel, as we do several times a month. He rode and then asked if I'd ride with him. I asked the pony keeper, and even though I hadn't paid, she said yes. So I climbed on. 

Even before the ride began, I felt Luken relax against me. He was happy and laughing. Around and around we went, laughing and completely enjoying being in each other's presence. It felt so good! 

Then the ride ended and I felt the usual rigidity return to his small body. That three minute ride had a big impact on me. Luken doesn't relax. Not even really when he's asleep. So feeling him relaxed and happy against me was a big deal. It was such precious gift. 

For those of you who don't already know, A Carousel for Missoula offers free rides to persons living with a disability and their attendant.

hbk

Does not taste like eggs

Me:  Please don't lick your shoes, honey.

Luken:  Mommy, there's something on the bottom of my shoes.

Me:  Hmmm. . .

Luken:  I think it's chicken poop.

Pause.

Luken:  Mom, chicken poop does NOT taste like eggs.

Luken:  I think I'm sick.  I'm probably gonna puke.  Probably at night time.

True story.

hbk

I Love to Watch You Grow

Today is Luken's first day of Kindergarten.  I'm thinking of how I want to set the tone for his school year.  I can sum it up like this.

I love to watch you grow.

And it's true.  All the new things Luken does, I love that.  When I see him struggle to acquire a new skill or think his way to a new idea - I love that.


Here is a brief pictorial of this morning's big event.

"Luken, please stand still so we can get a good picture of you."

His reply, "mouse farts!"

He is never still. 

A bit of apprehensive perhaps?  Good thing we had the ride to school to calm our nerves. 

Off he goes!

Bike wrestling.  Er, parking. 

It's such a big world.  And he's such a small boy. 

"Are you coming with me, Mommy?"

Oh, this could be fun.  He's found his spot at the table. 

I think he's gonna get along just fine here.  

My big boy . . . 

I love to watch you grow.

hbk

kinda down

i'm kinda down in the dumps.  i don't know why.  it's been a pretty good summer.  maybe i'm just tired.  well, i know i'm tired.  i'm always tired.  there's a lot on my mind but i don't quite know what it is yet.  kind of unsettled and heavy and sad feeling.  so i'm just putting it here.

hbk

What are you doing now?

On your 5th birthday, I want to take a look and take note of what you're doing now, my son.

You can ride a bike with no training wheels!

You know the names of many of the trees in our woods!

You can mostly give yourself a bath.

You love to climb.

You'd rather eat with your hands but you do know how to use utensils.

You can write your name.

You enjoy adding.

You love to race things and build crazy wild jumps and tracks.

You help take care of baby birds.

You're learning the Lord's Prayer.

You have a gigantic vocabulary.

You love having stories read to you.

You're a great eater, not picky at all.

You're full of energy and are hardly ever still.

You spend time in the back yard building roads with your diggers.

You still suck your thumb and want to sleep with Brownie and your woobie each night.

You can get yourself dressed and are learning to tie your shoes.

You like fishing.

You're excited to start Kindergarten in the fall.

You're strong and can hike all the way up to the log jam up Bass Creek and back down without being carried.

You really want to have a loose tooth.

You like to snuggle.

You give great kisses.

When you hear sirens, you tell me I should go to the fire hall.

You're a little bit afraid of thunder.

You think hail is pretty cool.

You have your very own little garden this year with sunflowers, garlic and catnip in it.

You want to drink everybody else's ice water.

You're the sweetest funniest most creative kid I know!

hbk

Happy Birthday!

Little Bear . . . We tried for years to have a baby. Did way too many fertility treatments. Took medications that made me sick. Finally got pregnant! And then was so, so sick. After 10 LONG months, and a very difficult labor, Little Bear was born via c-section. Both of us had some early struggles. I became very ill and went into heart failure. I was so sick that my memories of those early weeks are foggy. Little Bear had some struggles of his own. He was born with a PFO and had a long Q-T wave (he had a hole in his heart and an abnormal heart rhythm). It was also discovered that he has abnormal blood vessels going to his arms. We'll have to look at that when he's bigger and into sports. Otherwise, it probably won't cause problems. Little Bear's issues resolved with time as did mine. We learned to breast feed and he ate like a champ. And he grew. And grew! 

He's always done things his own way and in his own time. From an early age, he sorted his toys, separating out the red objects from the rest. His motor development was a tad behind his peers. He never crawled. When we went to story time at the library, he preferred to lick the outlet cover on the floor rather than to play and interact with the other kids. I noticed these things but didn't worry much about them. To me, my child was perfect. He was all that I'd hoped for. And I loved him like crazy! (I still do!)

Over time, I noticed more and more differences with Little Bear when I compared him to his peers. Autism crossed my mind but it was such a heavy thought for such a sweet boy that I pushed it out of my mind. He would only sleep on certain sheets. And with certain blankets. And even then, he'd hardly sleep. He put everything in his mouth, even after his peers had outgrown that phase. And most of the things he put in his mouth, he'd try to eat. He'd fixate on a single idea or object and be completely unable to focus on anything except that (being a dog, spinning, being upside down, wheels). 

When other kids were learning to play with each other, Little Bear was busy licking things. But I loved him like crazy! He was my much wished for child. 

Over the years, I've learned that Little Bear does indeed have Autism. And Sensory Processing Disorder. Yes, he's a complicated kiddo. He has tantrums that would make a sailor wither. He picks the prettiest dandelion for me. So yes, he doesn't understand social rules. He knows the names of all the trees in our woods. He has his own little garden. He presents me with many challenges. And he gives me so many wonderful opportunities to learn and grow. 

Would I rather have a "normal" child? Would I rather have an easier kiddo to raise? Not at all. I am head over heels in love with my son. And I wouldn't have him any other way in the world. He shows me love. He shows me God. He shows me life. Little Bear has been such a gift to me. I am so lucky that he chose me to be one of his mamas. 

Happy Birthday, Little Bear!

19 Dead

Today it was confirmed that 19 firefighters were killed while working a wildfire in Arizona.  As a firefighter, I cannot fathom this.  I am heart broken and shaken.  The preliminary report says that they were forced to deploy their shelters.  This is something we practice at least every year.  All wildland firefighters know how to do this.  And we all hope we never have to.

In the aftermath of this tragedy, my heart looks for answers and there are none that satisfy.

God, you are bigger than the fire.  Wrap your strong arms around the firefighters who died.  Comfort those who remain.  Teach us all.  And give us peace.

hbk

Heating Up

The weather is heating up.  And my head does NOT like it.

'Round and 'round they go!

The other day, we visited

A Carousel for Missoula. 

This is one of Luken's favorite

things to do. 

At A Carousel for Missoula, 

individuals with 

"special needs"

get to ride for free!

We regularly

take advantage

of this.

 There is a dragon at the gate. 

In it's mouth are colorful rings. 

If you grab the brass ring,

you win a free ride!

That's what Luken is leaning over for. 

On this day, Luken took four

rides.  I rode with him

for one ride so I could

help him grab the colored rings. 

We caught the lucky

brass ring!  

It made Luken's day!

hbk

Versatile Blogger Award

Thank you to Shiny in Love for nominating my blog for the Versatile Blogger Award!  Fun!

7 things about me . . .

1.  I eat popcorn in bed.

2.  I really like rings.  Rings with shiny stones in them.  But I don't like my hands so I don't often wear rings.  I should wear rings more often.

3.  I'm afraid of the wind.  I can hear it before it gets here.  The mountains right out my front door roar when the wind is coming.

4.  I think cars are fun.  I like to drive them.  I like to shop for them.  I like to learn about them.  I get this from my dad.  I'm also driving one of his old cars.  It's a tired old race car.  Or, maybe I should say that it's a retired race car.  It's the most fun car I've ever owned.  It was free (as in, I didn't have to pay money to acquire it) but it's turned out to be anything but.  I'm counting on another 100K miles from it.

5.  I'm of the opinion that we (people today) ought to operate from a bast 12 number system.  Base 10 is okay.  But base 12 would be so much more useful.  Twelve is divisible by so many cool numbers.

6.  I still want to be a teacher when I grow up.  Or a nurse Midwife.  Or a famous fiddle player.  Or a veterinarian.

7.  I am addicted to sugar.  No joke.

Here, in no particular order, are the blogs I am nominating for the Versatile Blogger Award.

1.  Life as I know it

2.  The Nerdy Farm Wife

3.  The Maaaaa of Pricilla

4.  Desserts With Benefits

5.  The Kitchen Rag

6.  Yarrow and Yew

And, here is a link to the rules. 

hbk

Vent

I'm getting kicked off the fire department and I hate it. I've been unable to maintain required call volume or training hours. Tonight was an example (or 2) of why. I notice traffic heading toward the fire hall. My pager hasn't gone off. It seldom does. It doesn't work. Anyway, I put Luken in the car and go to the fire hall to see what we have going on. Hay fire. Hard stinky work. I say I can only respond POV with Luken. I stay and do some station work, keeping him within arms reach the whole time. An emergency comes up at home so I have to leave the fire hall and go home and shut off the water and power to the pump. I also change Luken's clothes and grab his dinner. Then head back over to the fire hall. I run drinking water up to the fire and walk around with Luken on my shoulders taking a few pictures. The fire is down to a smolder by this time, danger past. People are cleaning up - rehabbing. I help when I can, with Luken on my shoulders or hanging on to my leg. I return to the fire hall behind the last truck. It's time for Company meeting. I decide to stay, even though it's already past Luken's bedtime. I give him his dinner. Throughout the meeting, he spins his circles and screeches. People keep telling him to be quiet. Some people make fun of his stuttering. He's causing a disruption so after about an hour of trying to manage him, I give up. An officer comes and offers to help me carry kicking thrashing Luken and his B-O-S to the car. Done. No wonder I can't make calls! No wonder I can't make training! I don't want to get kicked off. I'm pissed about it. And I just needed to vent.

hbk

3 Blankets

As I tucked Luken into bed tonight, he said, "You'd better cover me with three blankets.  I'm expecting a strong breeze tonight."

hbk

Oh, Shit!

My family went on a little family adventure yesterday.  It involved a coupla hour car ride.  As we're happily rolling down the road, Luken says, "I wish we had taken Heidi's car."

"Oh?  How come?" I say.

"Because in Heidi's car I get to say 'oh, shit!'."

It's true.  I let my child say dirty words.  He gets to say whatever he wants to say.  But only in my car.  And only when I say he can.  His favorite is "Oh, shit!".

I hope, that by providing Luken a place where all words are okay to say, he'll not say them in inappropriate places.  Time will tell if my theory pans out.  In the mean time, it provides comic relief.

hbk

iPad Challenge

Raise Awareness and Earn an iPad for Luken

By now, you (my readers) know that my sweet little boy has Autism.  He is making great strides in learning and communication.  Luken never ceases to amaze me.  He's scary smart and growing fast.  He will start Kindergarten in the fall!  Can you believe it?  

Anyway, I've seen many cases where children with Autism flourish when they have use of an iPad.  It helps them learn to communicate in ways that they couldn't before.  It opens more doors of opportunity for these amazing kids.  There is something about the iPad/user interface that does things that other tablets cannot.  I want that for Luken. 

I found a program at The Puzzling Piece that lets me earn an iPad for Luken.  You can help.  Please visit www.thepuzzlingplace.com and click on the "products" tab at the top of the page.  Then click on the "iPad Challenge Pieces" tab.  From there, you can shop several different pieces of unique jewelry.  If you order one, there will be a space under the picture of the piece for the challenger's name.  That's where you type my name (Heidi Kestrel) so that I get credit for that sale and Luken gets one step closer to an iPad.  When  I get 60 sales from the "iPad Challenge Pieces", Luken will receive his iPad.  

As of this morning, I had 4 sales to my credit.  I have 56 more to go.  So, please, if you'd like to sport a piece of Autism Awareness jewelry, consider buying it here.  Not only will you be raising awareness, but you'll also be helping a little boy to have an iPad.  And, if jewelry just isn't your thing, then please share this blog posting with your friends and co-workers.  It really does take a village to raise a child today.  You're part of my village.  Part of Luken's village.  This is something easy to do that will help a lot. 

Thank you!

hbk

Boundaries

The boundaries I set aren't meant to define how you behave.  They are meant to guide me in choosing how I respond.

hbk

Correction

It's planting season.  We've planted squash.  Lots of squash.

My wife has said, "We're gonna have squash coming out of our ears!"

Luken quickly corrected her.  "No, Mom.  Squash won't come out of our ears.  It will only come out of our butts.  And only if we eat it first."

Future scientist?

hbk

Calm

It started raining last night.  It rained much of the night.  It's raining off and on this morning.  And I love it.  It brings calm to my heart.  It reminds me to stop whatever it is I'm rushing to do and take some deep breaths.

Today I will do my best to remain calm and peaceful.  I will strive to gently guide my child through his day, reaching always toward positives and success for him.  I will wrap myself around his small body and lead him toward the quiet places I know he must have within him.  It's hard to remember that sometimes.

Right now, at this moment, I'm sitting on my bed writing this and Luken is in the bathtub.  I hear a constant stream of his verbal froth in the high squeaky voice he uses when he's stimming.  He's playing with monster trucks in the bath.  "Ac-tek, ac-tek, ac-tek, wooo, woo, wooo, wooo."  Over and over again.  He's found a groove that works for him.

I am coming to learn that grooves that work for Luken look strange to many folks.  I used to be more concerned about it than I am now.  When he finds a comfortable space for his body and brain, I try to be grateful for it, not to change it into something that might seem more socially acceptable.  It's a learning process.

I love my son.  We're going to have a great day together.  I just know we are.

hbk

hangin'

I haven't posted much lately.  It's not that I don't have anything to say.  I have lots to say.  I sort of don't know how to say it.  When I don't post much, it usually means that my inside world is too busy for me to write.  Please hang in there with me.

hbk

Early Morning Streaker

What must our neighbours think?  Oy . . .

This morning, as I was in my room getting dressed, I noticed that the school bus was coming down our street to pick up the little neighbour boy.  I ducked out of site of the window in order to keep things appropriate.

Just then, I hear the front door open and Luken yells, "Hey!"  And then, slam.  I peek out the window to see him racing naked across our front lawn.

The bus stops in front of the neighbour's house.  The little boy loads up.  Luken persists, "Hey!  Hey!  Hi!  I'm saying hi to you!".

From the window, I holler, "Luken, come inside right now!  Luken, remember your privacy!  Luken, stop!"  At the same time, I'm furiously trying to get dressed so I can chase him.

He's not having it.  He runs all the way to the street.  Close enough that the bus has to stop to ensure his safety.  All the occupants wave at him.

Satisfied, he turns around and ambles back into the house.

Oy . . .  my kid.

hbk