Last Night

Last night Luken was awake for hours. When he's awake, I'm awake. As I lay in my bed, I could hear him on the monitor. He was talking to himself. "Cah, cah, cah, cah (car). Ball, ball, cah. Uh-oh. I uv oo (I love you). Ball, ball, puppy! Cah, cah, owie, owie, ball, owie (owl). Cookie, owie. Sock, ball, ball." It's like he was practicing all his words over and over again. It was so sweet to listen to.

HBK

Fucked

I'm fucked in the head. For me, the issue of food, weight, eating, not eating, being thin, fat, living in my body, is OLD! It's been around for a LONG time.

I'm fat. I'm trying to lose weight. I do well for a week or a month or maybe even two months. Then I slip. I panic. I gain it back. And I panic again. I hate it.

I'm hungry. That makes me mad. I want to be sleeping. Instead I'm laying here being pissed that I'm hungry. I know that I'm going to get up and pour myself a big bowl of cheerios and put brown sugar and peanut butter and milk on it. Then I'm going to eat it. I know that I don't need that much. It's a ton of calories. It's more than I need. It's almost like i HAVE to. I'm panicked that I'm hungry and then I eat crap and panic about that. WTF? It is crazy. It makes me feel crazy. I hate it! I can't sleep until I eat. Why am I this way? It feels almost as crazy as it felt when I was scary skinny at 100 pounds. I hate myself sometimes.

HBK

Milestone

My baby walked today!

HBK

Let's Go LadyGriz, Let's Go!

Before Luken was born, Kara and I went to lots of LadyGriz basketball games. We went to one last season but it was too loud for little Luken. Now he's older though and we've already been to 2 games! The LadyGriz won both the games we attended.

We sit in the cheap seats behind the north basket.

Luken goes right up to the railing and watches the band.

He thinks the tubas ROCK!

Granted, we don't see much of the game, but we sure have a great time!

Ok, so we mostly watch the band, but whatever, we're at the game, aren't we?

HBK