Kiss The Fiddler

Ramblings, moments of humor, random thoughts, experiences, insights, simple wisdom, and whatever else I feel like sharing.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

breathe in. breathe out.

2 puffs albuterol
50 mg benedryl
.33cc epi
125 cc salumedrol
.33 cc epi
5 cc valium

add it all up and it equals a rocky afternoon. hope never to repeat it but very glad that everybody is gonna be okay. very thankful to the docs and nurses at our local clinic and the folks on the fire dept who came to help.


Sunday, September 25, 2011

Church is not for Sissies.

Luken has been asking to go to church with me. So, after a week of talking about it, I took him. The first 5 minutes were okay. I could tell he was trying hard to be quiet. He simply could not. I felt bad for him. He wanted to stay for "the kids" (Sunday School). "The kids" happens after the church service so we first had to survive that. I have no idea what the texts or sermon was about. The two women sitting in our row probably haven't a clue either. By the time it was time for "the kids", Luken was so undone that he couldn't enjoy it. Poor boy. We'll try again in awhile.


Wednesday, September 21, 2011

There Was An Old Woman Who Swallowed A Fly

I kid you not. As I was walking around MegaLowMart today trying to find the cheapest diapers for my child, a fly flew up my nose. What, you say?. Yup, the damn thing buzzed up my left nostril. How rude!

I immediately tried to snort it out but to no avail. I was left with no choice but to walk around the store with tears pouring from my eyes. It didn't hurt. Ok, yes it did. Having something flying around on the INSIDE of one's face is not comfortable in the least. It hurt. The tears weren't from the pain though. My body lurched into overdrive secretion production. I clutched a tissue and tried not to panic.

Sneezing a couple times just seemed to make the fly mad. Or more panicked. Or hyper. At any rate, sneezing did nothing but make the fly crash around harder and faster inside my face.

After about 15 minutes (no kidding), I was able to blow my nose and evacuate the fly. I've never looked at a fly in a wad of snot with quite so much relief before. Well, I don't think I've ever seen a fly in a wad of snot. Anyway, the damn thing was still alive and I thought twice before wadding up the tissue and throwing it away. Was this animal cruelty?

So, ya, that really happened to me today. Don't I lead an exciting life? I bet you're jealous as hell, aren't you?


Tuesday, September 20, 2011


I got up at 630 this morning and have pretty much been running balls to the wall since. I'm tired!
Luken went to preschool this morning so I had a chance to work on the bills. Oh, the bills . . . They are many. It is scary.

Harvested in the garden. Got tons of cukes! So yummy!

Began painting the front door. It's gonna be green. For 7 and a half years now, I've lived behind a plain white front door. Boring! It's time to fit that. I chose a nice deep green and started in on that project. It's always harder and takes longer than it seems it will. This I know.

Went to chiropractor today. My neck is finally beginning to feel better. I am so glad!

Tomorrow Luken has his PT eval. Hmmmm. . .

Time for bed.


Monday, September 19, 2011

Here We Go!

So, ya, Luken has been dx'd with Sensory Processing Disorder. We go to OT twice a week, PT once a week, preschool twice a week and see a psychologist once a week. Wow! I'm exhausted! It's a good reality check for me that when I asked for help, people said oh, shit, yes! I feel bad that I didn't put the pieces together sooner.

We're seeing a surge in tough behaviors now that we've started therapy. He has periods of time when he can't talk. He's a great talker most of the time. Lately, when he gets maxed out or frustrated, he growls and rocks back and forth. Sometimes he jumps and flaps his hands and bangs his head. If I didn't know better and I just saw him at a glance, I'd think he was autistic. It's kind of scary.

He's being evaluated for need of services through the school district (here it's the Bitterroot Valley Education Co-op.) We'll see where that goes.

Stress! And kind of tough realizing that my child struggles. Well, I knew this. It's just that I can't pretend anymore. There is a degree of grief that comes with this.

So, here we go. Headlong into this new phase of helping our child to grow up happy. May the Force be with us.

Here is the OT's write up.

"Luken was referred by his physician for an OT evaluation tue to significant motor activity and difficult behaviors. At the time of testing, Luken was 3 years 1 month in age."

"History provided by his mother included the following information. Luken has considerable difficulty with sleeping and sleep has been an issue since infancy. He is not a picky eater, rather, the opposite. He will attempt to ingest anything, including paper, carpet, dirt, worms, and feces, unless he is supervised. [I supervise Luken quite closely. If I so much as walk away to take a piss, he becomes a danger to himself.] Luken is not yet toilet trained. His mother reports that he is moving and bouncing almost continuously. He throws toys and will hurt animals with no apparent awareness of the consequences of his behavior."

"The SENSORY PROFILE/INFANT TODDLER questionnaire was completed by Luken's mother. The results indicate that Luken demonstrates some significant concerns with sensory processing. The scores/results are as follows:
LOW REGISTRATION: DEFINITE DIFFERENCE (registration refers to awareness/the point in the integration process when he becomes aware of the stim) With Low threshold the nervous system responds frequently to stimuli because it does not take very much to activate the system.
AUDITORY PROCESSING: DEFINITE DIFFERENCE [as compared to typical children his age]
TACTILE PROCESSING: DEFINITE DIFFERENCE [as compared to typical children his age]
ORAL PROCESSING: DEFINITE DIFFERENCE [as compared to typical children his age]
"Some examples of these difficulties include avoiding contact with rough or cold surfaces, enjoys excess physical activity, finds ways to make noise, easily distracted, needs touch to gain attention."

"Evaluation/observations by therapist reinforced these difficulties reported by Luken's mom. Luken presented with increased motor activity, including running, jumping and climbing. Although he was able to successfully run and jump, control and motor planning were poor. He required objects including the wall or floor to assist him in stopping. [Ok, this one makes me laugh. It's him to a tee! The only way he stops is if he comes into hard contact with a wall, the floor or other heavy object.] Luken successfully could jump clearing both feet from the floor, but was unable to use the jumping or running skills combined with a purposeful activity. Imitation of various skills was occasionally completed successfully, however, Luken was unable to turn take at all. Eye contact was sporadic. Sensory seeking behavior was continuous throughout the evaluation, not only with the running/jumping movements, but loud noise making, crashing/bumping, as well as attempts to mouth various objects. Avoidance was present with many of the fine motor tasks presented."

"Luken responded positively to calming interventions including heavy work/weight bearing through the upper extremities, as well as deep pressure/tactile stimulation to his body and extremities."

"Luken demonstrated good verbal skills and indicated understanding of the directions or requests presented although he was not necessarily able to successfully follow them."

"In summary, evaluation results indicate some significant difficulties with Luken's sensory processing, resulting in decreased success and delays with functional skills including play and self care, as well as an increase in negative dysfunctional behaviors."

So, there ya go. My kid evaluated. Be open, Heidi.


Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Today's signs and other stuff

I learned the signs for these words today.

New - with a cupped hand, scoop at the other flat hand.

Day - with one forearm flat in front of you, the other pointer finger traces the sun as it passes across the sky.

Outside - starting with an open C hand at eye level, close it, open it and close it again while moving it away from your face.

Wind - both open flat hands, thumbs up in front of you wave parallel as if in the wind.

Rain - both open 5 hands flick downwards from above your head to below your face.

Snow - like the "rain" sign except that fingers are wiggling

Sun - with a pointer finger, trace a circle above you then open that hand as the suns rays toward your face.

Luken and I visited 2 day care centers and 2 preschools today. I liked things about both of the preschools.

The first one seemed kind of cold. The kids there weren't interacting a whole lot. The biggest plus for me for this one is that Luken's main teacher would be a man. He would be placed in the 4/5 classroom because it's larger and more structured and has 2 teachers. The director thought he'd do better in there given his challenges than he'd do in the 2/3 room which seemed quite chaotic and small. Two mornings a week, Tues and Thurs from 8 until noon would be 150.00 a month. This preschool is 25 miles from our house.

The second preschool is in a church and run by that church. It's fairly mainstream Christian. The kids here were happy and engaged. The teachers, all female were also happy and involved. The children begin the day with learning a Bible verse and pledging allegence to both the American flag and the Christian flag and a prayer. Not sure how I feel about this part. Here, he would be in the 2/3 classroom until he is potty trained. Two mornings a week, Tues and Thurs from 830 until 11 is 80 bucks a month. This site is 30 miles from home.

The first daycare I saw takes drop ins. It's 7 miles from home. Run by a mother/daughter duo. The daughter teaches a loose preschool in the mornings. There are mostly little boys here and this daycare comes with high ratings from several teachers at the Stevi school as they send their own kids there. The kids here seemed happy and engaged. Most were younger than Luken though with 3 of the kids turning 2 this week. This site charges by the hour. So, two and a half hours twice a week comes to 96 dollars a month.

I really wasn't impressed by the second daycare so I'm not gonna say much about it.

Seems like Kara and I have some thinking to do, eh?



Luken's OT suggested that we learn more Sign. This will give him another tool. Now, when we tell or ask him something using our voices, often it will seem like he either hasn't heard us or like he is being defiant. Our OT thinks that he is simply overwhelmed by all the auditory (noise) stimuli that he can't sort out what we're saying from the rest of the noise. I have noticed that sometimes he will respond positively to signs than he does to verbal commands.

So, yay! We're gonna learn another tool!


Monday, September 12, 2011

More on Luken

People have been asking me about what it means to have a sensory processing disorder. I have lots of questions about it myself plus the emotions that come along with having a complicated kid. It's hard to think about and even harder to explain. I'll try.

Luken's brain is set up in a way that doesn't let him process all the sensory input that his life gives him. He has great gross and fine motor skills but absolutely no impulse control. He is constantly moving, trying to fill his sensory needs but is also constantly over-stimulated. His brain doesn't know how to let his body relax so he is continuously having body/brain conflicts.

Without one on one attention, he is a danger to himself or others. He will eat anything, whether it's food or not. He won't think twice about biting or hitting or otherwise hurting pets or others. He's very sweet when he can focus but the rest of the time, he is out of control. He has skills but can't control his use of them.

His first OT appointment was today. I learned a lot. Next week, our OT wants to take him to "the Barn" to do some work on a horse. He's excited about this.

It is tough. I hope our work with the OT and a psychologist will help. Something has to help.


Thursday, September 8, 2011


The smoke is heavy in the air here. Ash falls on everything and makes a fine, fine grit that is hard to wash off your skin. It burns your nose and mouth and throat. It covers the mountains and even the sun.


Tuesday, September 6, 2011


Kara and I took Luken to his sensory evaluation today. He bounced and jumped his way through the 45 minute eval quite happily. Chris, the OT, told us that Luken presents the classic behaviors and patterns of a child with a sensory processing disorder. She will work with him at least once a week (more when her schedule opens up) for the next 6 months. The things she said about what's going on in his brain make sense to me. I am so relieved that it's not something I'm doing wrong.
I am more than wary about someone giving my child a diagnosis at such a young age. If it were more of a medical dx, I wouldn't have an issue with it. Epilepsy, heart murmur, something that medicine can fix - that somehow feels different. I don't know why though. Guess I have some thinking to do.

I am looking forward to learning ways to help Luken live more comfortably in the world.


Saturday, September 3, 2011

What a Loser!

Loser! That's me. Yup. I put it out there on facebook this morning that we were painting our house and needed help. That part is true. Later, I posted a thank you for all the kind folks who came to help us. That part was false. Nobody came to help us. I posted the second part because I didn't want to be that loser that nobody shows up for. I don't want to be the kid who has a birthday party and nobody comes. I am that kid.

I know, grow up, right? It's a holiday weekend and people have their own lives to live. I am petty. Mostly I am tired and feel panicked that we won't get the house painted by snowfall (I saw some frost-kissed squash plants in our garden this morning). I hate asking for help because then I feel like I owe people. Plus, I've probably already used my share of help and then some this summer with all the sickness.

So, ya. Grow up, Heidi. Buck up and suck it up. You're a big girl. You bought the house, now figure out how to take care of it.

I'll be in a better mood tomorrow. I get to go to church and then a memorial service and then a hike!


Thursday, September 1, 2011


Also the size pants that Luken wore today. My baby is growing into a boy!



That is the number of nights that Luken has stayed in bed at bedtime (and all night through). This is unheard of! Kara must be magic.