Kiss The Fiddler

Ramblings, moments of humor, random thoughts, experiences, insights, simple wisdom, and whatever else I feel like sharing.

Sunday, February 28, 2010


Today Kara, Luken and I went for a hike. We hiked the 2.5 mile loop of the Larry Creek Fire Ecology Trail. It was a beautiful day and we had a great time!


Thursday, February 25, 2010

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Baby Gym!

Today we went to baby gym. Luken LOVES going to baby gym! There is a pit full of foam blocks. The pit is usually the first place he goes. He'll slide down the slide and "swim" in the blocks.

There are tunnels to crawl through.

Things to peek through.

And more tunnels to crawl through.

He has so much fun! Today when we left, he waved and said, "Bye-bye". My sweet boy . . .



This morning, when I went in to get Luken, I found him happily free-balling.


meant that I had

lots of laundry.

After I put the laundry in, I had to catch this

And do this

Before we could do this

Thank goodness that I married the Goddess of the Morning. She made me fresh coffee before she left for work today.


Babysitter Woes

I'm ready to be able to go out once in awhile with my wife, without Luken. So I'm looking for a baby sitter. Babysitters are everywhere. But finding a good one is harder than you might think.

Coupla weeks ago, Kara and I had a date planned. I had won tickets to hear a fun new band. I scheduled a young woman to babysit. I know her. She's a good kid. Just not all that responsible. The afternoon of the concert, I got a message on my facebook from her boyfriend saying that she couldn't babysit that night. What? I haven't been able to get ahold of her since. Too bad because Luken really likes her.

Today I called another young woman. She's 17 years old and doesn't have her own transportation. She doesn't know CPR or first aid. She charges $10/hr. And, get this, she wants to take Luken to church! Ok, really?

I am really struggling to come to terms with leaving my child in someone else's care. I want to protect him from the evils that are out there. I think, that given my history, it may be harder for me than it is for moms without an extensive abuse history. How do I know that the person I place my trust in won't hurt my child? It's so hard to trust. And talking to people like tonight's gal who want to take him to church does NOT help.



Sunday, February 21, 2010

Bottles and Such

Luken is now completely bottle free! Yay! We took the bedtime bottle away (replaced by a sippy) after several successful nights without a middle of the night bottle. No fuss whatsoever! What a kid!

He still wakes in the night though. Usually he is cold and needs a cuddle to warm up. Sometimes he is wet and needs dry pj's and a dry bed. Sometimes he just needs a bit of reassurance. Nights are getting better at our house. I like that!

Now, if only I could re-learn to sleep. Then we'd be in the game!



Luken likes to try on his mamas' shoes. It's pretty cute.

He brought Kara's boots into the kitchen where he had handles to hold on to.

One foot at a time.

Oh, this is kinda tricky!

I know I can get it.

Yay! I did it!


Thursday, February 18, 2010


Things I want to write about soon:




Playing House

I gotta write them down here lest I forget.


Wednesday, February 17, 2010


I'm really tired and have a migraine but wanted to take a moment to mark a milestone.

Luken has not had a middle-of-the-night bottle in nearly a week. And, tonight, i put him to bed with no bottle! Took him awhile to get to sleep but he did. I'm proud of him.


Saturday, February 13, 2010

Power of Sleep

I woke up this morning with a migraine. I haven't had a bad migraine for over a month. I powered through the first part of my day. Got through the breakfast routine. Did some laundry. Cleaned Luken's room. Took Lortab after Luken went down for his nap. Then I went to sleep. And I slept hard. I woke up a coupla hours later to pee and went back to sleep. I tried to get up around 4. I was simply too tired to stay awake. So I went back to bed. I woke up at 9 and felt better than I've felt in weeks. My head still hurts but my body does not. I feel rested. I feel relaxed. I feel calm. I don't feel ragged or on edge. It's an amazing feeling, this absence of pain. I think I like it.


Nixing the Nighttime Nunnies

Luken is 18 months old. He still takes a bottle. At bedtime. And during the night at least once. Sometimes twice. That is ridiculous. It's bad for him. It's bad for his sleep cycle. It's bad for his teeth. It's not a dependency that I want to continue.

It's bad for me too. It's bad for my sleep. It's bad for Kara's sleep. It increases our stress. We get run down and irritable. We get resentful. I feel guilty when I give him a bottle because I know it's not good for him.

So we are nixing the night bottles. He won't get a bottle during the night. Period.

And so I'm awake now, at 1:40 in the morning because my sweet baby is screaming for the bottle I'm not going to give him. I feel guilty. I hurt for him. I want to take away his distress. Some things about being a mom are hard. I want to do what's best for him. Sometimes that is hard.

Once we've successfully cut out all nighttime bottles, we'll discontinue the bedtime bottle. We'll offer him milk in a cup with his peanut butter sandwich. Then we'll brush teeth and read a book and have a cuddle. After book and a cuddle, he will go to bed.

This is hard but I know it needs to happen. Give me strength.


Thursday, February 11, 2010

Momentious Day

Today felt like a momentous day.

For the first time, I left Luken with his grandma while I did some baby-free errands. Bonnie and Luken got on famously! No crying or anything.

After lots of thought, I wrote and delivered a proposal to the hospital south of here. I want to be their first Child Passenger Safety Specialist.

Even though I was tired, I worked out! I did my lower body and abs. I rock!

At firefighter's association meeting tonight, I volunteered to take firefighter portraits. And I put my name in the hat to travel to Orlando within the next month for specialized training.

And I asked Bonnie to run for the Fire District Board. I even got her her first signature.


Tuesday, February 9, 2010

I've Fallen In LOVE!

My regular doc got tired of my hormone related complaints awhile back and referred me to a "women's health specialist". I saw her today and it's the best thing I've done with an afternoon in a long time. For the first time in forever, I feel heard and understood when it comes to "girl stuff". I think I'd live in her office if I could. Seriously!

She has me spitting in vials on a schedule for a month. Then I send the spit to a lab and when I see her next, she will know better how to proceed. I like how she's not just tossing pills and meds at me to fix the symptoms. She's taking the time to figure out what's really going on with my body. It's about damn time!


Monday, February 8, 2010


Luken is better. Not 100% yet but better every day.

I'm tired and can't think of anything witty to say. Blah.


Thursday, February 4, 2010

Mind Numbing

Luken is still sick and I'm still home. I feel my brain dying. I'm not sure what day we're on. It gets light and it gets dark and it gets light. Luken sleeps and I check on him often. He wakes and I change his diaper, encourage him to drink, take his temperature, give him medicine, rock, rock, rock him. Remember to eat sometimes and maybe even take time to pee. Wash his bedding again and again. Bathe him gently to get the poop off. Rock, rock, rock. Cuddle, give him a bottle, let him sleep in my lap because if I put him down, he will wake up- and cry. Keep it dark in his room because he acts like the light hurts him. Rock, rock, rock. Massage his sore body, give him fluids and keep rocking.

It's all running together. The lines between days are blurred. I feel my mind going numb.

I really hope Luken is better soon.


Wednesday, February 3, 2010

24 Hour Sleep

After his high, high fever, Luken has entered what seems to be a 24 hour sleep.

He will wake up for about 20 minutes every 2-3 hours. He still looks pretty sick.

He doesn't have a fever though. I feel so bad for him.


Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Please help find a family for this little girl

Please help find a family for this little girl

Lera (4)

Girl, Born August 7, 2005



Lera is a gorgeous little girl with blonde hair and blue eyes. She is 4 years old. She is quite high functioning, and doing very well. She has flat feet and a systolic heart murmur, but no major heart conditions. She is able to walk and climb, she eats by herself, dances, and understands and follows directions. She has also been transferred to the regular class, so she is living and learning with her typical peers.

For more information please contact Andrea (bamaroberts AT comcast DOT net)

I have $8605 in my grant fund towards the cost of my adoption!


This is a desperate situation. Lera will be placed in an institution, and will no longer be available for adoption, if a family doesn't commit to her in the next few days. Her adoption is partially funded already. If you or anyone you know might be interested in adopting Lera, please contact Andrea at Reece's Rainbow at the contact information above. Please feel free to copy and paste this post to your own blog as well, to get the word out.

Make A Mark

I really don't know who reads this shit. I mean, I know who is allowed to read it but I don't know who actually reads it.

So, leave a comment. I don't care what you think (kidding), I just want to know you were here.



That's the best number I've seen in awhile.

Last night was LONG! After that last post, Luken's temp went up again and I worked feverishly (pun intended) for hours go bring the fever down. My poor baby laid limply in the bottom of the bathtub while I sponged water over his body and dripped water into his parched mouth. It's so sad to see him like that.

Over the period of hours, I managed to get 8 oz of fluids into him. I set alarms for each subsequent dose of medicine. Once his temp came down to 101, I slept until my alarm went off.

This morning, his temp was down to 100.5! And he actually had a wet diaper! He also fed himself some breakfast and willingly drank fluids. It's gonna be a good day.


Monday, February 1, 2010


That's how high Luken's fever was when I went to give him acetaminophen. Scary! In 2 hours, I've only managed to bring it down to 102. I've put a damp cloth on his naked body. I've wrapped his little fat feet in a receiving blanket soaked with apple cider vinegar and water. I've tried and tried to get him to drink. And I just gave him ibuprofen an hour sooner than his next dose was due. I took off his dry diaper and let him lie naked on a waterproof pad (not that I need the waterproof part, he is so dry) because there is lots of bloodflow close to the surface in the genital region and that will help to cool him. He is lethargic and breathing fast. I don't like this one single bit.



Wow! That's hot. Poor baby.