Kiss The Fiddler

Ramblings, moments of humor, random thoughts, experiences, insights, simple wisdom, and whatever else I feel like sharing.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Last Night

Last night Luken was awake for hours. When he's awake, I'm awake. As I lay in my bed, I could hear him on the monitor. He was talking to himself. "Cah, cah, cah, cah (car). Ball, ball, cah. Uh-oh. I uv oo (I love you). Ball, ball, puppy! Cah, cah, owie, owie, ball, owie (owl). Cookie, owie. Sock, ball, ball." It's like he was practicing all his words over and over again. It was so sweet to listen to.


Sunday, November 29, 2009


I'm fucked in the head. For me, the issue of food, weight, eating, not eating, being thin, fat, living in my body, is OLD! It's been around for a LONG time.

I'm fat. I'm trying to lose weight. I do well for a week or a month or maybe even two months. Then I slip. I panic. I gain it back. And I panic again. I hate it.

I'm hungry. That makes me mad. I want to be sleeping. Instead I'm laying here being pissed that I'm hungry. I know that I'm going to get up and pour myself a big bowl of cheerios and put brown sugar and peanut butter and milk on it. Then I'm going to eat it. I know that I don't need that much. It's a ton of calories. It's more than I need. It's almost like i HAVE to. I'm panicked that I'm hungry and then I eat crap and panic about that. WTF? It is crazy. It makes me feel crazy. I hate it! I can't sleep until I eat. Why am I this way? It feels almost as crazy as it felt when I was scary skinny at 100 pounds. I hate myself sometimes.



My baby walked today!


Saturday, November 28, 2009

Let's Go LadyGriz, Let's Go!

Before Luken was born, Kara and I went to lots of LadyGriz basketball games. We went to one last season but it was too loud for little Luken. Now he's older though and we've already been to 2 games! The LadyGriz won both the games we attended.

100_1287 by you.
We sit in the cheap seats behind the north basket.

100_1285 by you.
Luken goes right up to the railing and watches the band.

100_1283 by you.
He thinks the tubas ROCK!

100_1281 by you.
Granted, we don't see much of the game, but we sure have a great time!

100_1268 by you.

100_1266 by you.
Ok, so we mostly watch the band, but whatever, we're at the game, aren't we?

100_1278 by you.