Kiss The Fiddler

Ramblings, moments of humor, random thoughts, experiences, insights, simple wisdom, and whatever else I feel like sharing.

Sunday, November 29, 2009


I'm fucked in the head. For me, the issue of food, weight, eating, not eating, being thin, fat, living in my body, is OLD! It's been around for a LONG time.

I'm fat. I'm trying to lose weight. I do well for a week or a month or maybe even two months. Then I slip. I panic. I gain it back. And I panic again. I hate it.

I'm hungry. That makes me mad. I want to be sleeping. Instead I'm laying here being pissed that I'm hungry. I know that I'm going to get up and pour myself a big bowl of cheerios and put brown sugar and peanut butter and milk on it. Then I'm going to eat it. I know that I don't need that much. It's a ton of calories. It's more than I need. It's almost like i HAVE to. I'm panicked that I'm hungry and then I eat crap and panic about that. WTF? It is crazy. It makes me feel crazy. I hate it! I can't sleep until I eat. Why am I this way? It feels almost as crazy as it felt when I was scary skinny at 100 pounds. I hate myself sometimes.


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