Ok, so I've been breast feeding my son for nearly 13 months. It was a struggle at the beginning because I was quite ill and my milk didn't come in for over a week. Then I had several bouts of mastitis and developed chronic thrush on my nipples. We nursed through all that and I grew to cherish the relationship that Luken and I have around nursing. We survived learning not to bite mommy (ouch!). I'm proud of the fact that I've been able to nurse my son for so long. I'm also proud to have been able to provide milk to 3 other infants as well. It feels like a huge gift to me all the way around. We're all winners.
Now though, I'm considering weaning. Here are my reasons.
I have moments of feeling resentful about having to share my body in such a way. I want my body back.
I am also dealing with some medical issues that have been put on hold so I can breast feed. I suffer from migraines. I would really like to be able to take triptans to prevent the headaches. Currently, I can do nothing to prevent the migraines and so I'm left with few options as to how to treat them. I can take Lortab once the headache becomes painful enough to get in the way of my functioning. I don't like taking Lortab. It's a narcotic and makes me feel dopey. I can't drive after I've taken it and so I'm stuck at home. And, often I need to take more than one dose to get relief.
I am beyond tired of the hormone storm that I continue to experience. I've been told that the storm will subside once I'm no longer lactating. I feel moody and I sweat until it's dripping off me. I have NO sex drive. I smell funny.
I seem to be unable to lose my "baby weight". People say that perhaps it will be easier for me to lose the weight after I've stopped breast feeding.
I want to be able to put things into my body that might not be the best for baby (like maybe have a drink or to eat strawberries or other things that make Luken sick when I eat them). It feels like a huge responsibility to have another person relying on what I eat for their nutrition. I know that now he's old enough to get good nutrition from the food he eats.
Even given all of these reason, I'm reluctant to wean him. I really treasure the time I spend nursing him. I wanted for so many years to be a mommy and now I don't want to lose anything that being a mommy has given me. Make sense? Part of me wants to hold on to Luken's baby-ness for as long as I can. I feel sad when I think about weaning him. But I also feel excited. I don't know what to do.
I've talked to lactation consultants and other mothers about this. Most of them say that weaning will happen naturally if I continue to breast feed. They say that Luken will begin to lose interest in the breast. Ha! I don't see that happening any time soon. Right now, he LOVES the boob! And it's so handy. I can comfort him when he's upset. I can distract him. I can quiet him. I can sooth him.
I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm ready to wean but when I think about it, I feel like I'm not ready. And I don't want it to be up to me. I want it to be up to Luken. Ugh. Now I'm just talking in circles.
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