Kiss The Fiddler

Ramblings, moments of humor, random thoughts, experiences, insights, simple wisdom, and whatever else I feel like sharing.

Sunday, December 29, 2013

Kiss the Fiddler

Hey, did you know that I make soaps?  Yup, I do.  And it's fun.  They're really neat.  All sorts of different kinds.  I just know you want to buy some.  You can check them out HERE.

You can order by messaging me on the Kiss the Fiddler FB page.  If you use PayPal, I'll send you an invoice that way.  If you don't, we'll figure something else out.  All the profits go to a good cause - helping to support a family in need this week, and, uh, me and my family most of the rest of the time.  So, go shopping, y'all!


Dark Chocolate Black Sea Salt Caramel Fail

Fail!  Dark chocolate black sea salt caramel bar.  Rec'd as a Christmas gift (with a LOT of other dark choc bars).  It's like the damn thing was taunting me.  Come on!  You can't resist me!  Yup, right.  I can't.  Pissed at myself and now have another migraine.  Heidi, do  you see the link between food and your body?  I've tried for years to sever that link but now knowing about the link is going to save my life.  I used to weigh 100 pounds (I'm 5 ft nearly 8).  I don't have the words to relay how much this f*cks with my head.  I'm so frustrated with myself right now!

Day 4 and a bit better!

Day 4.  And I feel a little bit better!  I felt good enough to drive to town for necessary groceries.  Came home, started broth and made soup.  The soup is yummy.  Water, carrots, ginger and about a quart of frozen pumpkin from our freezer.  Cooked it all together, whizzed it with a stick blender and salted to taste.  Soft cooked veggies.  I hope it's GAPS legal because it's what I'm slurping before I crash.

This morning's migraine responded well to relpax and lortab.  It's gone.  I'm left with brain fog but for me, that's normal.  And plenty of tension in my neck and shoulders causing a tension headache.  Again, normal for me.

Anyway . . .  nap.


please, someone, take that ice pick out of my skull. it hurts.

woke in the night with a terrible migraine. took migraine meds (lortab, phenergan, relpax, ativan) and crawled into a detox bath. bath felt good. i get this kind of headache when i go off coffee. but i'm not. i'm just very slowly cutting down. i did add kraut yesterday and wanted way more than i ate. i swear, i coulda eaten the entire jar, it was so good and crunchy and hit the spot just right. maybe it's too early to add kraut. maybe i have a migraine just because (don't need a reason). at any rate, whew. 

my goals for today:
go to store and buy more chicken bits for more broth
spend 10 minutes outside, whether i feel up to it or not. 
keep up with drinking broth
keep up with drinking water
take at least 1 detox bath
keep up on soft veggies in broth
keep up on yogurt
keep u p on coconut oil in yogurt
keep up on drizzle of oney in yogurt
keep up on frozen blueberries in yogurt. 
keep up on fclo and start budget envelope to buy more
keep up on pbx pill

i will give the kraut a break today and try it again tomorrow. 

i really want to add pumpkin but want to be careful and only do one new thing at a time so i know exactly what my body is reacting to. thoughtsh?

Saturday, December 28, 2013

GAPS day 3

And I feel like crap.  Or worse.  I swear, everything and then some hurts.  Today I have a thick white coating on both my tonsils.  I didn't sleep well last night.  Tossed and turned a lot.  Took another detox bath this morning, this time with just baking soda.  That felt good and I'm now less itchy.  I'm puffy though.  My hands are puffy enough that it's difficult to make fists.  I'm guessing that it's probably toxins in fluid all over my body.  I'll continue to push broth/stock and water.  I stepped on the scale today (cause it's Saturday) and I weigh 221.0.  That's down 4 pounds in 3 days.  I know it's fluid.  And I know I'm still quite fluid heavy.  Drink, drink, drink, eh?

I know that coffee isn't GAPS legal.  The wean sucks.  I am still drinking coffee in the morning.  Less than a cup today.  With half and half.  I know better than to just stop coffee cold turkey.  Been there, done that.

It seems like the more broth I drink, the more horrid snot I make.  I hope it's my body's way of cleaning house.  Although I suspect I have a bacterial infection and probably tons of yeast in my sinuses.  Not sure how to go about treating it in a GAPS legal way.  I've been taking an Elderberry Elixer that my herbalist mother made for me.  Maybe that will help.

Ok, gonna crawl back into bed.  Have a good day, y'all.


Friday, December 27, 2013

Crazy Red Itch Must Have Water Now!

I'm panicked.  I just attempted a detox bath.  Scrubbed the tub.  Put the appropriate amount of pretty hot water in it.  Dumped in 2 cups of epsom salts.  Put a fist full of epsom salts in a glass and added 6 drops of frankincense oil and 6 drops of oregano oil.  Dumped mixture into the tub.  Stirred with my foot and got in.  Within seconds, it felt like my skin all over my entire body was on fire with terrible itchiness.  It itched so much that I hyperventilated and made myself dizzy.  I scrubbed with a wash cloth.  All over and hard.  When I couldn't stand it any longer, I drained the tub and showered off with just water.  My skin is beet red, no hives but feels all prickly and itchy.  I feel like I need to rip my skin off me!  The sensation is so intense that it's nauseating.  So I have a plug of ginger in my lip.  I'm shaking all over and feel very weak.

I'm confused.  I take baths.  I use epsom salts.  I use those oils externally.  Nothing really new except the parts put together at the end of a day like today.  Is it a normal GAPS response to a detox bath to have one's skin react so immediately and so intensely?  It feels better now that I'm out and dried off but I still itch crazy!  i was going to ask my sweet to rub calming salve on my skin because it feels good but now I don't want anything to touch me, not even undies or a sheet.  WTF happened?

Another thing worth noting is that I have an overwhelming craving for pink salt and ice water.  I can't drink water fast enough.  It's like I'm desperate to get it into my body.


Day 2 of GAPS

Day 2 of floundering around in GAPS. Yesterday sucked. Today I feel worse. One of the meds I take is cymbalta. When I miss a dose, my body feels like there's random jolts of electricity going through it whenever I move. I haven't missed a dose but I feel like that today. 

I took the meat and bones out of my broth. I couldn't bear seeing them in there every time I open the lid. I also added part of an onion, some green pepper, some mushroom and some celery. Maybe that will help the flavor.

Today I'll start taking a liver tonic I made over the summer. I'd forgotten completely about it until now. I hope that helps my body get rid of toxins by boosting my liver's function and help me feel better because honestly, I feel like I've been drug behind a train

I have a great little cheer leader. My son! He is being so, so sweet to me. He says things like, "Mommy, drink your broth really really fast if you don't like it. It's medicine for your body." Aren't I lucky to have him? I know, huh? Yah.

So, onward. Broth. Liver tonic. Probiotic. Yogurt. I'm determined. Please pray for me. Because this hurts. It feels right but it hurts. A lot.

Just to be clear, I will NOT be weaning any meds without both my MD and my DO's approval and help. Oh, and my Pharm guy too. For a Pharm guy, he's amazingly open and diverse and not attached to any particular big pharma way of thinking. He breaks it down chemically and hormonally and even draws it out on paper what the chemicals are (or aren't) doing. So, no, no meds changes just yet. And, surprisingly, my meds list now, long as it is, is shorter than it was a year ago. I used to qualify as having type 2 diabetes and take meds for that as well. I used to take even more antihistimines than I do now. And more stomach acid meds (3 total of those). I know how I got to where I am with meds. I've gradually increased over the period of 30 years (i'm 41 now). I understand that it will take time to safely wean off big pharma. I can be patient for that.

My wife is very supportive. It was she who first suggested GAPS for our son. I thought it was snake oil science. She also knows that she can't win. With my hx of eating disorders, she's learned not to even try to talk to me about food. It just ends up being a fight. That's one of the reasons this is so difficult for me. It's making me be honest about food. What I'm eating. What I'm not eating. What i'm hiding. What I'm purging, etc. It really does frack with my head.

Another "issue" is that I get paid to promote ViSalus. I have been on the Challenge and, though it made me sicker, I did lose weight and got more energy. I've gained all the weight back. I feel caught between earning a few extra dollars a month (enough for a tank of gas for my car) and backing out of Vi. I think they have something good for a segment of the population that's unwilling or unable to look at food closely as GAPS requires. I no longer use Vi (soy, fake sugars, whey) but I do still have clients on it and I use it as currency in my barter community. I feel like a hippocrit. No, I don't spell.


Thursday, December 26, 2013

Crawling Back

Hi.  It's me.  And I've come crawling back here.  To this blog.  To this place of safety and self expression.  I say crawling because I am.  Barely.

I've become so unhealthy that what shred of dignity and function I used to have is gone.  My weight is at an all time high at 225.  I am deeply depressed and in pain all the time.  I need help.  And I've looked for help far and wide.  The person I need help from is me.  I need to make a change.  I need my life back.  My child needs his mama back.  My wife needs her partner back.  And I'm sick and scared to death.

For over a year now, my son, who has Autism, has been on the GAPS diet.  It's changed his life.  I want what he has.  I grew up vegetarian and can't stand the taste of meat.  The GAPS diet is based around bone broths.  It's highly researched and carefully designed to heal the gut, mind and body.  I desperately need what it has to offer.  And I'm absolutely terrified.

I plan on using this space, this blog, as a place to journal my journey.  It's not going to be easy.  I will try to be honest.  I'm not writing it for my readers but you're welcome to come along if you want.  If you do come along, please offer me your support.  I'll need it.

Today, the day after Christmas, I am sick.  I'm coughing to the point of gagging.  I have a splitting headache (no, I'm not hung over).  I feel like throwing up.  My entire body hurts.  I've taken my morning meds (cymbalta, gabapentin, zyrtec, lisinopril, cranberry tabs) as well as phenergan and lortab.  I'm sipping on my now cold coffee with half and half in it and I just took some probiotics because I figured, why not, right?  I loaded the dishwasher, added home made detergent, set it to start.  I took 4 chicken drumsticks out of the freezer and put them in a pot with water and salt and unflavored beef gelatin and set them to cook.  I poured a dram of elderberry elixer and crawled back into bed.  Here begins the journey.