Kiss The Fiddler

Ramblings, moments of humor, random thoughts, experiences, insights, simple wisdom, and whatever else I feel like sharing.

Thursday, September 17, 2009


I need to learn how to fight.  First, fighting sucks.  But, if I have to fight, then I need to know how.  I usually do one of two things.  When faced with a fight that I have not been successful in avoiding, I either become a bitch and hurt the other person before they can hurt me (verbally), or I become a victim.  I don't know how to walk away or stand up for myself.  How on earth does one learn this?  I want to set a good example for my son.  Is there such a thing as fighting with respect?


3 comments: said...

good for you to ask.....
my answer would be yes.... the secret is to not argue but to state what YOU feel, need, want, think. and not try to change the other person in how they think, feel or want. Negotiation is important to make the conversation a Win~Win between to two opponents.
just my 2 cents for free...PJ

Lisa said...

God, Heidi. This is such a huge issue for so many people. My husband and I have spent years in therapy over this very issue. it's a work in progress.

Anonymous said...

"I" statements. Avoid "You" statements. I.e. "You make me feel X." Instead "I feel X when you do Y." As someone who can throw barbs that stick for years, I've learned to catch myself in that one eeny meeny space between thinking something nasty (and terribly effective, or so it seems in the moment) and actually saying it. Oooooo Meghan has a censor! Praise the heavens! It did not come easily. I don't back down from much, but I learned to fight before I learned to spell. So it took a lot of reconditioning. You just have to hold on to the fact that you CAN maintain integrity in the midst of turmoil. And that some fights are often about an issue that isn't even what you're fighting's just two people circling fear. So what's the point? Find the source and THEN decide if the "fight" is worth it. --Meghan