Kiss The Fiddler

Ramblings, moments of humor, random thoughts, experiences, insights, simple wisdom, and whatever else I feel like sharing.

Monday, March 25, 2013

I don't know . . .

Tonight I am very discouraged.  I've had migraine 25 out of the past 30 days.  That's insane!

I'm unable to do the things I need to do, let alone the things I want to do.  I can't keep up on the kitchen or the laundry.  I'm not being a good parent to my son.  I miss fire calls because of migraines.  I miss church and appointments because of migraines.  This weekend, I missed a much anticipated concert because of a migraine.

I've tried everything I know to try.  I worked with the best migraine doctor Missoula had to offer me.  In the past year, we've gone through every single one of her options.  And done.  No help.

I'm complaining.  Because it's not fair.  If I had, say, breast cancer, I think it'd be different.  People would bring us food sometimes.  Maybe someone would come clean our house.  Maybe people would be more willing to take Luken for a coupla hours.  When people asked how I was feeling, I could be honest.  Now, when people ask how I'm feeling, I shrink away from the question.  I have a migraine.  I hurt.  I can see out of only one eye right now.  Could you not talk so loud, please?  Could you not bump into my body because it makes me so dizzy that I am afraid I'll fall down.  I'm afraid that people think, "Oh, she has a migraine.  She wants narcotics.  Drug seeker."  I feel like there's a stigma that comes with migraine headaches.

I'm complaining, because I don't know what else to do.  I'm losing the things in my life that are important to me.  I am unable to keep up my duties on the fire department.  I feel like I should leave on a good note.  If I did have breast cancer, would I be thinking the same thing?  Or would they rally behind me, pull together, and help me get it done?  I don't know but I have to wonder.

No, I don't have breast cancer.  I'm lucky.  I have chronic and severe migraines, for which no prevention or cure (for me) has yet been found.  I am discouraged frustrated and depressed.  Some days, I really just feel like giving up.  I don't know what else to do.


1 comment:

Zeph said...

I'm so sorry... I know how disabling migraines are. I suffered from age 10 until a few years ago. I never had more than 2 per month and don't know how you have survived this last month!

I'm praying you can find some answers. It is different for each person. Yes, if you had Breast Cancer you would get more support. People who haven't experienced migraines have no idea--it is not just a "bad headache"!

Cora Mae