Kiss The Fiddler

Ramblings, moments of humor, random thoughts, experiences, insights, simple wisdom, and whatever else I feel like sharing.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Lonely

I am lonely. I miss my friends. Don't get me wrong, I love being a mother. I just miss being able to see my friends and talking about things other than baby. I miss hearing about their lives. I miss being the person they share their thoughts and feelings with. I miss sitting and knitting with people. I playing tunes. I miss having coffee and talking about life.

Last week, I sent an old friend a text saying hello and that I was lonely. Got a text back saying that she was busy. Ouch. Ok, I know that she lives halfway across the country and that she has her own life. But it still hurt. Haven't heard from her since.

I'm trying to find "mommy friends". I'm attending play groups. They are fun. But I'm still lonely. I don't feel like I can really share my life. The play groups are about babies. That's good. But I still feel like I need more.

I feel selfish. I have so much. I have a wonderful wife and a dear sweet son. I have lots of people who support me. I feel selfish because I want these great people who support me to not keep me at arms length. I need some closeness. I want contact. Emails are nice but they aren't warm. See, I'm selfish.

Selfish AND lonely.

HBK




3 comments:

montanasnowbaby said...

Oh Heidi...I wish we lived closer. I would love to spend more time with you.

Since we have moved here to WW, I am reconnecting with more old friends and there are always people around (Former students of mine, etc) but I know what you mean. Even if there are always people around, there isn't a "closeness" that comes with old friends.

I just don't have the energy to "start over" with new friends. There is too much of my life that is gone by that is just too hard to try and "recap"...it isn't worth it. *sigh*

So I guess I am saying I think I know what you mean.

daye said...

My emails aren't warm and fuzzy???
shocker!
Just kidding. I know what you mean. It's so hard to make good friends. It was before being a Mom. So weird that I tried so hard to be a Mom and thus isolate myself further. But we never would have met if we hadn't become Moms. But then I had to go fuck it up by moving to Mars. Talk about lonely!
we lots of love, I know it's not as good as a real hug but it will have to do for now. :)

Marilyn said...

I know exactly how you feel. I wish I had more 'mommy' friends. Most of my so called friends don't have kids and have basically dumped since I have had Natalee. I wish we lived closer.