Kiss The Fiddler

Ramblings, moments of humor, random thoughts, experiences, insights, simple wisdom, and whatever else I feel like sharing.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Bitch and Moan

I have had a headache now for a fucking week and a half, maybe more. What's up with that? The month before that was so good. And now I'm back to the fucking daily headacne and 5x weekly migraines. This fucking sucks! What am I doing differently?

I wonder if it's weight related. I wonder if my weight during that good month was low enough that my body wasn't over loaded with estrogen and now that I'm a pound or two up, there is too much estrogen. I know that estrogen is stored in fat cells. I know that I need to lose weight. It is so fucking hard. I know that I eat like crap. I need to change. I need help changing. I've tried and tried and tried different diets and exercise programs. I do well at the start and then I poop out. Something or another comes up and I gradually quit.

The headaches though are killing my energy and my happiness. I can't do this. I hear my baby babbling away happily in his crib because I put him there because my head hurt so bad I can't think. Yes, it's nap time for him but I feel like a terrible mother putting him in his crib when he's not tired because I can't deal with him due to the fucking headache. What a shit.

I am worried about my health. I just took my blood pressure and it was 152/87. I am not even 40 yet. I am too young for this bullshit. I MUST get healthy in order to be a good mother to my child. He deserves that. I deserve that.